Struggling with your child’s emotional ups and downs? Learn how to manage your emotions so you can stay calm, present, and supportive through the challenges.
Parenting is one of the most emotionally demanding journeys a person can experience. While it brings immense joy and fulfilment, it also comes with moments of frustration, exhaustion, and self-doubt—especially when your child is going through a difficult emotional stage. Whether it’s tantrums, mood swings, or deep-seated anxieties, watching your child struggle can stir up overwhelming emotions in you as a parent.
It’s completely normal to feel helpless, frustrated, or even guilty when faced with your child’s emotional ups and downs. You might question whether you’re handling things the right way, feel drained from constant emotional intensity, or even catch yourself reacting in ways you later regret. These feelings don’t make you a bad parent—they make you human.
This blog isn’t about fixing your child’s behaviour or finding quick solutions to their emotional struggles. Instead, it’s about focusing on YOU—your emotions, your reactions, and how you can navigate your feelings in a way that brings more peace and balance to your parenting experience. Because when you take care of your emotional well-being, you’re in a much better position to support your child through theirs.
“There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one.” — Sue Atkins
Recognising Your OWN Emotional Triggers
Parenting has a way of bringing up emotions we didn’t even realise we had. When your child is struggling, their emotions can stir up unresolved feelings from your past—perhaps moments when you felt unheard, out of control, or pressured to behave a certain way. Without realising it, you may be reacting to your own past experiences as much as you are to your child’s current behaviour.
For example, if you were raised in a home where expressing anger or sadness was discouraged, your child’s emotional outbursts might make you feel deeply uncomfortable. If you grew up feeling responsible for keeping the peace in your family, your child’s struggles might trigger a sense of failure or guilt. These emotional triggers can show up as:
- Frustration – “Why won’t they just listen?!”
- Guilt – “Am I a bad parent for not handling this better?”
- Fear – “What if this means something is really wrong?”
- Feeling out of control – “I have no idea how to fix this.”
When these feelings arise, it’s easy to react impulsively—snapping in frustration, shutting down emotionally, or feeling consumed by worry. But self-awareness changes everything. By recognising when you’re being triggered, you give yourself the power to pause, reflect, and choose a different response. Instead of reacting in the heat of the moment, you can take a deep breath, remind yourself that your child’s emotions are not a reflection of your worth as a parent, and respond with patience and clarity.
Understanding your emotional triggers is the first step toward managing them. The more you recognise what’s happening inside of you, the more control you have over how you respond—and the more peaceful your parenting experience can become.
Example: Your child throws a tantrum in public, and you feel an intense wave of embarrassment and frustration. Upon reflection, you realise that your upbringing emphasised being “well-behaved” in public, making this situation feel like a personal failure.
Practicing Self-Compassion
It’s easy for parents to be their own harshest critics. When your child is struggling emotionally, you might find yourself thinking: “I should have handled that better.” “Why can’t I stay more patient?” or even “Am I failing as a parent?” Guilt can creep in quickly, making an already difficult situation feel even heavier.
But here’s the truth: You are doing your best. No parent is perfect, and no child expects perfection. Parenting is full of unpredictable moments, and sometimes, despite your best intentions, you will lose your patience, say the wrong thing, or feel like you’re not enough. And that’s okay.
Letting Go of Guilt
Guilt often comes from unrealistic expectations—thinking you should always be calm, always have the right answers, and never make mistakes. But parenting isn’t about perfection; it’s about showing up, learning, and growing alongside your child. Instead of dwelling on what you could have done differently, try shifting your mindset:
- Instead of: “I shouldn’t have snapped at them.”
Try: “I had a tough moment, but I can repair it and do better next time.” - Instead of: “I don’t know how to help my child.”
Try: “I’m learning, and I’m here for them. That matters.”
Simple Self-Compassion Exercises
Practising self-compassion doesn’t mean ignoring your mistakes—it means treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer a close friend. Here are a few ways to cultivate more self-compassion in parenting:
- Positive Self-Talk – When you catch yourself in a spiral of self-criticism, pause and ask: Would I speak to a friend this way? Replace harsh thoughts with gentle encouragement.
- The 5-Second Hand-on-Heart Exercise – Place your hand on your heart, take a deep breath, and remind yourself, I am doing my best, and that is enough.
- Permit Yourself to Rest – You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take small breaks to recharge—whether it’s a few deep breaths, a short walk, or simply letting go of unnecessary pressure.
- Reframe the Narrative – Instead of focusing on a parenting “fail,” reframe it as a learning experience. Every tough moment is an opportunity to grow.
- Write Yourself a Note of Encouragement – A short, kind message to yourself (e.g., “Parenting is hard, but you’re handling it with love.”) can be a powerful reminder on difficult days.
When you practice self-compassion, you create a healthier emotional space—not just for yourself, but for your child as well. They don’t need a perfect parent; they need a parent who is willing to grow, forgive themselves, and show them that kindness starts from within.
Example: You snap at your child after a long day and immediately feel guilty. Instead of beating yourself up, you take a deep breath and remind yourself: “I’m human. I can apologise and do better next time.”
Suggestion: My daughter every day, trained the children to have a “DEAR” time for an hour after lunch. The children can play, read or listen to audiobooks in their rooms. She, in turn, can relax herself, read a book or have a bit of a nap. The result, the children love their “DEAR” time and everyone has a time out.
Regulating Your Own Emotions
Parenting can stir up intense emotions—frustration, anxiety, helplessness—especially when your child is struggling. In these moments, your reaction sets the tone for how the situation unfolds. Do you escalate the tension, or do you bring calm to the chaos? The ability to regulate your own emotions is one of the most powerful tools you have as a parent.
The Power of Pausing Before Reacting
When emotions run high, it’s easy to react impulsively—raising your voice, shutting down, or saying something you later regret. But a simple pause can make all the difference.
Before responding, try this:
- Take a deep breath.
- Count to five in your head.
- Acknowledge what you’re feeling: “I’m frustrated right now, and that’s okay.”
- Choose how you want to respond, rather than reacting automatically.
That brief pause creates space between emotion and reaction, helping you engage with your child from a place of calm rather than chaos.
Techniques for Emotional Regulation
Just as we teach our children how to manage their emotions, we must also practice self-regulation ourselves. Here are a few simple techniques to help:
- Deep Breathing: Slow, intentional breaths signal to your nervous system that it’s safe to relax. Try the 4-7-8 method: inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, and exhale for 8.
- Mindfulness: Pay attention to the present moment without judgment. When stress rises, notice your thoughts and feelings without letting them take over.
- Grounding Exercises: Engage your senses to stay present. Try the “5-4-3-2-1” method—name five things you see, four you touch, three you hear, two you smell, and one you taste.
- Mantras or Affirmations: Repeat a calming phrase, like “I can handle this,” or “This moment will pass.”
- Movement: If frustration builds, step away for a moment. Stretch, walk, or shake out tension before returning to the situation. (My best is a frustration dance, that is repeated every time – it actually can become enjoyable, and also a great distraction for the child observing)
Modelling Emotional Regulation for Your Child
Children learn how to manage emotions by watching you. When they see you take deep breaths instead of yelling, step away instead of lashing out, or express feelings calmly, they absorb those behaviours. You are teaching them:
- It’s okay to feel big emotions.
- You don’t have to react immediately.
- There are healthy ways to manage stress.
Instead of expecting your child to regulate their emotions perfectly, focus on demonstrating it yourself. Over time, they will follow your lead.
When you practice emotional regulation, you’re not just helping yourself—you’re shaping a calmer, more connected relationship with your child.
Example: Your child is struggling with anxiety, and you find yourself constantly worrying about every detail of their life. You remind yourself that while you can support them, it’s not your responsibility to fix everything—they need space to develop their own coping skills.
Creating Healthy Boundaries
As a parent, it’s natural to feel deeply connected to your child’s emotions. When they are upset, you may feel their sadness as if it were your own. When they are anxious, you might find yourself worrying just as much—if not more—than they do. But while empathy is important, carrying your child’s emotions as if they were your own can lead to emotional exhaustion and stress.
Your Child’s Emotions Are Not Yours to Carry
It’s important to remember: Your child’s emotions belong to them. Your role is not to fix or absorb their distress but to support them through it. If you take on their emotions as your own, you risk:
- Feeling overwhelmed and burned out.
- Responding from your own stress, rather than clarity and calm.
- Preventing your child from learning how to handle their own emotions.
Imagine yourself as a steady lighthouse—there to guide and support, but not to sink with the storm.
How to Support Without Absorbing Their Distress
You can be a caring and present parent without emotionally drowning in your child’s struggles. Here’s how:
✔ Acknowledge their feelings without taking them on. – Instead of feeling their frustration as your own, simply validate: “I see that you’re really upset right now. I’m here for you.”
✔ Remain calm and steady. – If your child is in distress and you become just as emotional, the situation escalates. By staying regulated, you give them a sense of safety.
✔ Let them solve problems on their own. – It’s tempting to step in and “fix” their feelings, but growth happens when they learn to work through challenges themselves. Instead of giving solutions, guide them: “That sounds hard. What do you think would help?”
Practical Ways to Set Emotional and Mental Boundaries
- Separate Their Feelings from Yours. – When your child is upset, ask yourself: “Am I feeling this way because of them, or am I taking it on as my own?”
- Permit Yourself Not to Fix Everything. – Remind yourself: “It’s not my job to take away their struggles, but to help them navigate them.”
- Create a Mental Reset Routine. – After an intensely emotional moment with your child, take a few minutes to reset—deep breaths, a short walk, or listening to calming music.
- Use Visualization. – If you struggle to detach emotionally, picture yourself handing your child’s emotions back to them like a gently wrapped gift—offering support without carrying the weight.
- Practice Self-Care Without Guilt. – Prioritizing your emotional well-being allows you to show up as a better parent. Taking a break isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
By creating healthy emotional boundaries, you show your child that emotions are manageable, not overwhelming. You teach them that they are capable of handling their feelings, while also protecting your own well-being in the process.
Example: Your child is struggling with anxiety, and you find yourself constantly worrying about every detail of their life. You remind yourself that while you can support them, it’s not your responsibility to fix everything—they need space to develop their own coping skills.
Seeking Support for Yourself
Parenting can feel isolating, especially when your child is going through an emotionally difficult stage. You may tell yourself, “I should be able to handle this on my own.” But the truth is, you don’t have to—and you shouldn’t. Just as your child needs support in navigating their emotions, you also need a space to process your own feelings, frustrations, and fears. Seeking support doesn’t mean you’re failing as a parent; it means you’re taking care of yourself so you can show up as the best version of yourself for your child.
Talking to Someone Who Understands
Keeping your emotions bottled up can make parenting even more overwhelming. Having a trusted person to talk to—whether it’s your partner, a close friend, or a fellow parent—can provide:
✔ A safe space to vent without judgment.
✔ A fresh perspective on challenges.
✔ Reassurance that you’re not alone in your struggles.
Sometimes, even just saying your feelings out loud can help ease the weight of them.
Normalising Therapy or Counseling for Parents
Many parents hesitate to seek professional help because they believe therapy is only for those in crisis. But in reality, therapy or counselling can be a powerful tool for self-reflection, emotional regulation, and stress management. It can help you:
- Understand your emotional triggers and how they affect your parenting.
- Learn coping strategies for stress, anxiety, and overwhelm.
- Break generational cycles by parenting in a way that aligns with your values.
Therapy isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s an act of strength. Taking care of your mental and emotional health makes you a more present and compassionate parent.
Self-Care Is Not Selfish—It’s Necessary
Many parents put their own needs last, believing that prioritising themselves takes away from their child. But you can’t pour from an empty cup. If you’re exhausted, emotionally drained, and constantly stressed, you’ll have little energy left to support your child in a healthy way.
Self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. And it doesn’t have to be elaborate—sometimes, self-care is as simple as:
✔ Taking 10 deep breaths before re-entering a stressful situation.
✔ Allowing yourself guilt-free rest when you need it.
✔ Saying no to extra obligations that drain you.
✔ Engaging in an activity that recharges you, even if it’s just for 10 minutes.
By seeking support—whether through conversations, professional help, or small acts of self-care—you are not only helping yourself but also creating a healthier emotional environment for your child. A well-supported parent is a stronger, more patient, and more resilient one.
Example: You find yourself feeling emotionally drained and short-tempered. Instead of pushing through alone, you reach out to a close friend or a parenting support group and realise that others are going through similar struggles, helping you feel less isolated.
Reframing the Experience
When your child is going through an emotional stage, it’s easy to see it as a struggle—something to “fix” or get through as quickly as possible. But what if, instead of seeing these moments as obstacles, you viewed them as opportunities for growth?
Your child’s emotional ups and downs aren’t just shaping them; they’re shaping you, too. Every challenge you face together is a chance to develop more patience, resilience, and self-awareness.
Shifting from “Fixing” to “Guiding”
Many parents instinctively want to “fix” their child’s emotional struggles—stop the tantrum, erase the anxiety, and make everything okay. But emotions aren’t problems to be solved; they’re experiences to be navigated. Your role isn’t to eliminate difficult feelings but to guide your child through them.
Try shifting your mindset:
- Instead of: “How do I stop my child from feeling this way?”
Ask: “How can I support them while they learn to manage this feeling?“ - Instead of: “I need to control this situation.”
Remind yourself: “I can stay calm and help my child find their own way through.“
By stepping into the role of a guide rather than a fixer, you not only reduce your own stress but also empower your child to build emotional resilience.
Recognising Your Own Personal Growth
Parenting challenges push you out of your comfort zone. They force you to be more patient than you ever thought possible, to manage emotions you never expected to feel and to reflect on your own triggers and reactions. Even the toughest moments are helping you grow.
Growth doesn’t always feel good at the moment, but looking back, you’ll see that these challenges made you a stronger, wiser, and more compassionate parent.
A New Perspective on Parenting
Reframing the experience doesn’t mean pretending everything is easy—it means choosing to see purpose in the hard moments. Instead of viewing your child’s emotional struggles as something to endure, try seeing them as a shared journey—one where both of you are learning, growing, and becoming better versions of yourselves along the way.
After all, parenting isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about growing together, one challenge at a time.
Example: Your child struggles with emotional meltdowns, and you initially see them as exhausting challenges. Over time, you start viewing these moments as opportunities to teach emotional regulation, realising that both you and your child are learning valuable life skills together.
Conclusion
Parenting is an emotional journey, and taking care of your own emotions allows you to be a stronger, more present support for your child. Remember, you don’t have to be perfect—you just need to show up with patience, self-awareness, and kindness toward yourself. Growth happens for both of you in these challenging moments. What is one small thing you can do today to take care of yourself emotionally? A deep breath, a moment of stillness, or a kind word to yourself—it all matters.
Recommended Reading
- “The Whole-Brain Child” by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
- Focuses on understanding your child’s brain development and how to respond to their emotions in a supportive way, while also managing your own reactions.
- “Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself” by Kristin Neff
- Offers insights into how practising self-compassion can help parents cope with stress and navigate challenging moments.
- “Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child” by John Gottman
- Provides parents with tools to help their children understand and manage emotions while also helping parents regulate their own emotions.
- “The Power of Showing Up” by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
- Explores the importance of emotional presence in parenting and how staying emotionally regulated can benefit both parents and children.
- “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
- Offers practical advice for parents on how to communicate with their children in emotionally challenging moments while staying calm and composed.
Connect to Someone Who Understands
Managing your emotions as a parent is crucial for fostering a healthy family environment. Accessing professional support online offers flexibility and accessibility. Here are some reputable online therapy and counselling services that assist parents worldwide:
LunaJoy
Specialising in women’s mental health, LunaJoy provides online counselling for parents, focusing on managing stress and developing effective coping strategies.
Charlie Health
Offers online family therapy sessions, helping parents learn new coping strategies and communication techniques to support their children’s emotional well-being.
TalktoAngel
Provides online therapy for parents, offering a safe space to discuss concerns and receive guidance on effective parenting strategies.
IMPACT Psychological Services
Delivers online therapy sessions designed to provide high-quality, personalised care, helping parents manage stress and enhance emotional regulation.
COPE2Thrive
Offers online cognitive-behavioral therapy-based programs teaching skills necessary to help parents deal with problems and emotions, set goals, and feel more positive daily.
Discovering More About Your Child’s Emotions
Here are some further reads if you would like to understand more about your child’s emotions.
Knowledge brings insight and with this understanding, you will have further coping skills.
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